Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
