I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
