It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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