she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
don't judge my taste in strippers
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize