I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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