You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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