If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
