the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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