I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
