wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Four minutes until I can fart!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
