i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
