They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
