Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
