I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
