I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
