You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize
