Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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