Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
