she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
