haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize