Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
