My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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