Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
