why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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