she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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