please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
