so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
