Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
