and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize