My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Randomize
