I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
