Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
