I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
