You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize