It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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