Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize