The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
