Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
