I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
