Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
