Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
