i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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