Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
