I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Randomize
