I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
