how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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