last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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