haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
