so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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