Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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