peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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