I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
