My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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