Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
