I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
