If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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