apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
