Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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