i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
