I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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