you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
