I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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