Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
