i barfeds in our rink
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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