I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
