dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
