any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
