Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
As shirtless as possible
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
