haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
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