so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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