I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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